i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
