you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
