There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
