I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
