none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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