im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
