I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
