i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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