Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
