White coat. Heels.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
