i wish my penis had a tongue
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
