I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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