1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
