Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
