I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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