I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
