im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
