I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
