walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
