i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
