you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
