Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
