just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She told me I should be a condom model.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
