Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
