nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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