I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
