I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
