At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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