I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
