oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just cut my nipple shaving
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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