I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize