Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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