bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
