plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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