you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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