He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
