things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
