I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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