dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
