all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize