is your mom at the bar?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
