Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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