So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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