cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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