There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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