Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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