Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
