So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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