if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
love makes seman taste better
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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