Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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