She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
do herpes really smell.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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