Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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