Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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