Pappa wants mamma naked
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
