You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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