Dual....:-)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
