he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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