just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
