How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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