Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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