I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
