Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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