I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize