Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
