so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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