They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
