so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
